This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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