Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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