watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Mom said you looked used
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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