dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
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