I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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