What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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