We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
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A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
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Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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