her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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