I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
