hotel room ftw
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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