I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
