Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
