i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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