I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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