I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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