3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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