I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
