my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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