im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
