I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
