I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I am available for nakedness
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