I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
