it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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