chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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