just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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