so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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