a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Text me some of your sweat
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