Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Randomize
