i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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