I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
