Tell her she can't have a vagina
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
