I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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