Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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