some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
