I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
