so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
