I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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