Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
