I wish I could punch you in the face.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
