the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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