someone owes me an orgasm
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
