Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
