why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
