I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
