drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
