Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize