I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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