I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
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He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
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I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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