alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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