We're like a lot better than the average bears
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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