not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
