Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
