i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
