Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I had to cum in my sink.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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