That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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