I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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