a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
