Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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