either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
