I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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