Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
