I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
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I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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