He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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