I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm passing your future prison.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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