Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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