I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
