How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
