just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
