Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Randomize
