someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
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I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
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You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.