Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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