My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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