Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
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Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Sorry my hands just texted you
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?