hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
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Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
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