God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
At least make sure they are 18
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.