I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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