i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
should my penis look like a turkey
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
