Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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