turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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