Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
