i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
