i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
