I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
