She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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