The best revenge is premature balding
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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