Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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