all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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