God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
