If i come over, it means nothing
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
